Skipping Memories

I am getting close to turning 55 years old. My memory is skipping out on me much like a rock thrown upon a pond. I know as the rock stays solid and whole so will my mind for now. But, my recall of tasks that don’t make my to do list can be sketchy as the rock’s path these days. I wonder at times why my early childhood memories are starting to fade. I was the one in my group of friends that remembered the little dumb stuff everyone else forgot. My life growing up had no use for unconscious repression so remembering was nothing to avoid. Maybe as we get older the brain fills up and needs to drain off some of the old rarely played memories. As I put on my make-up this morning I realized my brain plays back random memory recordings over and over which are associated with certain activities.

One uncomfortable yet admittedly amusing memory which pops up almost every morning as I lightly brush on my pinkish blush is of my mom and brother laughing hysterically at me. I was about 14 years old and had donned my first full face of make-up. I had played dress-up as a young girl many times in full blown make-up regalia but this was my first “real look” debut as a teenager. I strutted out into the family room where I was immediately greeted with raised eyebrows and silence. Then, like 20 seconds later my mom and brother looked at each other and spewed out cackles. Laughing, laughing, and laughing. They thought I was hilarious. On second glance in a mirror I realized my mistake. My cutie rosy cheeks looked more like huge red slashes. When I did not join the laugh fest they eventually stopped. To this day I under apply my blush to play it safe.

Another wonderful memory that I wish would sink with that rock in the pond is that of my brother making fun of my butt. I was a skinny kid as a child without any positive protrusion in the posterior. Well, Queen had the big hit back then called “Fat Bottom Girls Make the Rocking World Go Round” or something like that. So, don’t you know every time I try on jeans and judge myself in a mirror, be it in a fitting room or just getting dressed for the day, I hear the song he sang echoing in my brain. My brother would sing, “Flat Bottom Girls Make the Rocking World Go Round.” I will have to tell him one day that I have heard his voice and his stupid version of the song in my mind for years now almost on a daily basis. He would probably respond by informing me that the original version of the song is now more fitting.

Why is it that simple mundane activities keep these silly memories rippling on and on? When I am organizing my closets or the kitchen junk drawer I hear my mother’s voice say, “like items with like items.” Before my first scoop of food at a buffet line I literally believe I hear my brother’s cow sound, “Mooooo.” Squeezing out a dollop of shampoo as I shower brings up the heated debate memory between my brother and stepsister as to which is more effective to wash once or twice before rinsing. Reaching to turn off my bedside lamp triggers an imaginary fear. In Texas, where I was born and raised, the roaches are as big as a Hot Wheels car, fast as a hummingbird and at the ready to escape capture by any means necessary. One night when I was a kid I unknowingly had a huge one perched on my lamp switch. Roaches do that you know. They seem to be at the worst place when you least expect them. I had touched it, screamed, and it flew to the ceiling. That sucker was between me and the doorway. There was no escape lest I risked him jumping in my hair. I hate this memory.

I am sure we all have these types of flashbacks sparked by events in our everyday life. I have many of them. I don’t load my dishwasher, drive, nap nor fold laundry without an associated memory replaying itself. It’s like having a beloved family member close by even if separated by many miles or death. Though specific old memories like the year I saw ACDC live or the name of a grade school friend have faded and gone, I have these types of simple little life treasures that like the water in a rock disturbed pond will undoubtedly beautifully ring on forever in my mind.

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