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The Inconvenient Truth About Arranged Marriages

Is it about the promises or much about society?

From the West covering the Victorian era to travelling towards the East voicing the Gandhian era, marriages have been regarded as a pious institution of an idealistic society.

Culturally diverse and traditionally different, the patterns of marriages established and practised in the different worlds might vary — both in types and rituals set, yet the culture of marriage remains as a thrust to give an identity mark to individuals in regards to sharing relationships.

The noble concept of “Marriage” which remains as the seed planted by the society for relationship identification, after a certain timeline creates rebounding pressures of stress if not followed in the modern-day world.

The 21st-century signs this petition of agreement.

The reality speaks volumes. In discords. In disruptions.

With this, path of blindfolds makes its way.

The time has marked its shift. The world has changed.

A differential curve can be noticed in terms of the equation of relationships.

While the traditional practice of Marriage — an arranged one, is still prevalent with a stronghold epitomizing it as the culturally dignified way of going through the married life in regards to the established status quo of society.

Western countries at par didn’t favour this concept at large.

Hence, didn’t practice it much, be it in regards to or regardless of society.

Henceforth, to them, the idea of arranged marriage hardly made sense in terms of selecting their life-partner.

That said, every country progresses according to its own sets of patterns.

However, the concept of arranged marriages still, remains archaic embroidered with a traditional touch.

Having said that the essence of an arranged marriage — a prick or a bloom, still stands at a debate.

Reason — It’s governing principles remains unclear.

Personally, I find it rather difficult in identifying how it’s theology functions in this modern era. Also, the ground roots on which these marriages revolve has a wheel of vows with deeper rings of confusions attached.

Citing through the observations around, hereby I derived at certain conclusions to how the system of arranged marriage functions, is highly overrated and how it is piously worshipped.

To get through the answers, here are the 7 Hard Truths about Arranged Marriages.

Keep in mind while you tick the choice of your lifetime.

It’s a two-way street and no wonder, if it goes wrong the foundation gets collapsed.

While the goal of human life is to embrace the imperfections, seek recovery and revival, here the arranged marriage scenario stands opposite.

It becomes a round-table conference towards seeking benchmark perfection in candidates who wish to walk down the aisle.

Isn’t such a thought like a choke provoking to the throat.

I mean, Perfection! Is it even possible?

Even heaven would collapse with the ground reality reports of how an arranged marriage functions.

To state, a similar arranged marriage conference was held for one of my cousin (sister), recently.

Just for the meet up with two stranger families. Identical in the concept of arranged marriage.

And, of-course the candidates were meant to be present by default.

The setting seemed like a grand procession.

Everything seemed so materialistically right, yet the ambience felt meaningfully odd.

Reason — Perfection! Everything needs to be so very right.

The count goes on, for perfection is a drive to infinity. It’s unending.

So were the questions addressed to my sister. In-fact, the idea of perfection made her feel so imperfect in such a bizarre scenario.

You rarely know anybody there, yet trying your best to score high on their list of impressions.

Arranged Marriages, is this why you rank high regard in society? My thoughts questioned. At random. Finally formed a tapestry of unsinkable answers.

A lot of young people still believe that the so-called desired one can be found in an arranged scenario.

In fact, for the ones who we are truly made for — the eternally desired one. Which I guess, still stands at faults. On crossroads.

In a world, so huge, big, and diverse the idea of — the only one, seems a bit outdated concept.

Still, how do people renounce their faith in the arranged concept?

People seem to value the arranged marriage scenario. For the previous generations too believed in such a culture.

However, despite innumerable options to select from yet what leads to the right choice, remains forgotten.

Hence, people end up with incompatible choices.

Pinning down through my lens, the eternally desired one for who we are made to be with is a — misnomer.

Reality is diametrically opposite.

One needs to be case sensitive towards every aspect of survival — be it growth, happiness or sorrow, success or failure, or even say in search of relationships.

Everything is the opposite of the desired perfection.

Centrally, the patriarchy owes its relevance to male-dominated culture.

However, the voice is different with respect to both the genders.

In regards to females, the search is for the one who stands true to — idealism, traditions, family values, religious, home-maker, kind, fairly beautiful, and so on. In respect to the male, females in arranged scenario rarely have their share of voice.

Remember, she has not been denied the right to dream. Like she can dream to have the qualities in their one but in actual she’s under the roof of the so-called — real idealistic family valued girl pressure. One who cannot disregard the decisions of their elderly’s.

To her, the decision of the family acts as a blind faith — like the be-all and end-all scenario.

In regards to the male prospect, this stands a bit flawed. They enjoy supremacy. They have been endowed with all their rights.

From likes to dislikes, to rating and to finally giving the stamp of approval, I say the patriarchy seems to have their voice over rights in such spheres.

Such a setting speaks of the monopoly which favours the rights of male partners with respect to the other.

While in the modern scenario, the laws regarding gender equality have gained momentum but still remains a fight seeking progression.

It yet needs to open the doors of improvement and relief.

It seems no longer a debate of Man-Woman, yet what happens behind the unspoken doors remains a big elephant in the room. This aspect is ignored.

Also, it rarely is visible except who rightly face it upfront.

Infact, certain sections of society are much more vulnerable to getting caught in patriachial culture.

The voice of it speaks even louder in case of an arranged marriage.

If gone wrong it either leaves the person a — victim or survivor.

In-fact, every one of us shares the journey of either being a victim or survivor or sometimes both, however, the circumstances in which it happens determine the extent of intensity.

Specific to an arranged marriage, if the relations goes faulty, the entire blame-game is addressed to the female.

While it may differ in different sections, the middle class suffers a heinous cost to it.

Case of abuses, tortures, domestic violence, emotional stagnation, all follows the pipeline of wiping out the mental stability.

Since it’s a parent-sanctioned process, hence the decision-making methodology rests on the shoulders of the families.

Why arranged marriages? Why is it even considered? Why is the belief system in such an institution so strongly held?

To answer — the central theme backing the arranged marriage is the caste-based system.

Be it whichever category one falls into, the resonance towards sharing the same tribe or falling into similar groups shares a soft spot.

This happens, even on a country level basis.

With different countries representing each other in competition, we always feel delightful towards the patriotism of our nations. Isn’t it so? Take it in terms of community groups, don’t we feel a wave of happiness if one among our community members marks a win.

Hence goes the comparison from — world level, to the community level, to individual.

Justified right? Mostly, like agree to disagree.

It’s like the comparison of different scenarios answers according to their circumstances. To this point, I agree. No two circumstances can be the same. Things that might be correct from one point of view might appear opposite at the other.

But how far is the concept of the caste-based model still prevalent, in the modern era?

The underlying thing with arranged marriages is that people will always look for families from the same or higher caste (most preferably, the same caste), and class to move up the social ladder, and this reason still hasn’t changed much.

The mentality encompassing around arranged marriage revolves circularly.

The compromise exists. To the most extent, it’s unfair.

Reason — It’s mostly the righteous duty of a female in respect of carrying out sacrifice.

In fact, previous generations had a strongly grappled form of female performing sacrifices and compromises in comparison to the present. The mythological characters remain no exception to it.

However, the situation today has eased yet cannot be completely denied.

For instance, in most of the cases, it all rests on the hands of the male whether or not, her partner can carry with her dreams, desires, goals, and aspirations. Sometimes, accusations and judgment follow in case she doesn’t abide by the norms set.

Also, even if allowed to pursue her dreams, the time-frame up-to which she carries forward is decided upon by her male counter.

In-fact, the compromise game is so puzzled that, even if the marriage hits a rough patch or has become tedious, monotonous, the female becomes scared to walk out of the room or call off the marriage.

The root of the problem — an arranged marriage considered a sacred entity.

However, the question here is :

Think about it.

The arranged relationships are strange. For its start is entirely stranger based.

Two strange people, entirely different families, in just a moment get to decide the — divine pair of the world.

What error-free match-making!

Where even our lives feel less to know our real selves, giving an uptick to some unidentified stranger in just a blink of an eye here, seems justified.

What an irony!

In-fact, the stereotypes associated with arranged marriages conjure up an environment of —

No wonder, if relationships of a lifetime are decided by such grave factors, the path is meant to be scary, uncertain, and hay-wired.

Dowries are exchanged as per professional designation held — like an IITian, Doctor, Engineers, Civil Servant, PhD. Grad, Professor, and the list goes on.

Higher the designation, more the dowry.

It isn’t a specification of everybody doing the same, but the chances of falling into the talks of dowries are very widely en-routed in an arranged marriage custom.

Also, its a matter of pride for the families and well-celebrated too (by the grooms side).

I wonder though in the case of arranged marriages.

If stepped wrong, it indeed can serve as the fool’s paradise!

Aren’t we scared about who we meet in Life? Are they being honest, true, loyal? Or even say, are they worthy enough of our time?

We think about such speculations in all domains — in any spheres of Life.

Be it our home, office, jobs, relationships, we tend to bound by such questions.

Isn’t it so?

If simple events in Life make our cognitive thoughts to think deeply, imagine how would it relate to the broader picture covered.

In terms of arranged marriages, two strangers meet. They barely get time to know each other. The family sets their tune towards the so-called “happily ever after.” Like agreed and done.

However, one aspect remains denied.

Here, rarely one gets to know about — what goes into the minds of the two people.

For, the truth is both parties have a list of infinite imaginary expectations going in their heads.

Individually me, find this as a scary proposition as your expectations are bound from a — stranger.

Of course, one can have their fair share of talks with the stranger before tying the knot, however, the fact is, it takes years to know someone for who they are.

The situation is similar to a famous saying which goes like — There are three personalities to a man :

Concluding, from the above whenever we meet someone new, people barely show who they are. They focus on showing the other two aspects.

Hence, the chances of committing mistakes remain not at an arm’s length.

Take in terms of friends who you made in a one-day time frame.

Would you ever at the first meet, share about your insecurities, your secrets, failures, imperfections, thoughts and behavioural patterns, your habits — be it smoking or drinking or whatever.

Clearly no, right.

In-fact, nobody will reflect who they truly are. Mostly, it remains a mirage reflecting a perfect person or that one cool person who seems to be utmost best.

Keeping aside the debatable concept of — why arranged or why a love marriage or is marriage even necessary.

The narrative as stated by The German Philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche who quotes about marriage as :

Also, Why should people marry each other?

In my opinion, there is no such specific reason to marry someone other than for — Friendship.

Be it with self or who you seek yourself with, the root of an affectionate relationship is in holding the virtues of friendship.

Hence, choose the friendship of a lifetime.

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