The Impact of Retirement on Marriage

Retirement offers the promise and allure of many exciting options, not the least of which are possibilities for a couple to start or resume hobbies, plan and take exciting trips, enroll in mind-expanding courses or just plain “hang-out together”. Yet often after the initial euphoric first few weeks or months of retirement, many couples find themselves caught up in petty — or not-so-petty — disagreements and squabbles over a myriad of issues. Why, years after having successfully resolved conflicts over expectations, values and priorities, do so many happily married couples find themselves reliving these issues?

With the arrival of retirement, the maxim “If you assume, you risk making an ass out of you and me” (ass/u/me) often comes into play. Despite knowing the date of retirement far in advance, many individuals assume that their partner knows what they are expecting of them, how retirement will play out, what activities are envisaged and what lifestyle changes will need to be made.

Thinking and dreaming about their retirement while tracking the months and days to the final countdown, the new retiree would like to think that their plans are both obvious and full of common sense. It turns out though, that all-too-often, what is obvious to one is new information to the other.

A lifetime together often produces unspoken routines and shared values. This helps to successfully juggle and manage the inevitable chores, responsibilities and commitments. Work, even if at times resented, offered a structure that helped to accomplish this. Work became a pervasive force in shaping and defining both individual lives and marital dynamics. So powerful an influencing force was the job or career that it often determined where a family lived, whom they socialized with, how they dressed and what time was available for hobbies or play.

It is frequently perceived that retirement would change all this. Patterns, albeit being comfortable by virtue of their familiarity, could be modified; responsibilities reviewed if not renegotiated. New choices, options and possibilities would now be competing for attention. Suddenly, the unstructured time that the retiree faces also affords a possibility of significant conflict. Change, no matter how desired or ultimately helpful, begets tension. We are creatures of habit and routine, for they provide the very sense of safety and security that helps us find the courage to undertake new challenges and acquire knowledge that is a basic part of our retirement dreams.

Couples would do well to proactively consider and discuss how retirement will impact on the individual and marital rhythms that have become an integral part of their lives. By identifying and sharing the hopes, dreams and expectations that each has, couples will be better able to avoid the predictable transitory pitfalls and move harmoniously into this long-desired life stage.

Langlois Financial has been in the wealth management industry since 1989. Trust. Experience. Knowledge. Helping you achieve your lifelong dreams.

Related posts:

Albie Nicol is sophomore at University of Northern Iowa, in Cedar Falls, Iowa. He is an Opinion Columnist for the Northern Iowan, the newspaper affiliated with the university, and has otherwise not…

This is a brief feature article I’ve written a couple of years ago in a journalistic workshop. I was tasked to write about my most memorable moment as a campus journalist. A glimpse into a sea of…

Learn how to create efficient data models for massively scalable applications with Apache Cassandra, the distributed NoSQL database.